On our Russian book market various editions have long and firmly established themselves, the meaning of which boils down to what they are trying to teach us how to live properly. Let’s leave on the conscience of Western authors catchy titles of books like “How to learn to love yourself”, “How to get rich instantly and become a powerful man” or “How to succeed in life and make it more harmonious. Clearly, with bait names, publishers are thinking of attracting potential readers and increasing future book circulation. But if that was all it would be… Alas! The paradox is that the psychology of Western thinking really suggests that any problem can be solved, you just need to know how to approach it. Find the cherished key that opens this door. And find it as soon as possible. There’s no time to wait. How to Learn to Love and Be LOVE Without going into the subtleties of the differences between Russian and Western types of thinking, we can limit ourselves to the well-known words of Rudyard Kipling: “The West is the West, the East is the East, and they will not come together” This is the truth, we really do not come together today or in the foreseeable future. It’s often difficult for us to even understand each other… And such a complicated question as how to learn to love yourself requires a very detailed approach. American and European pragmatism approaches man as a complex mechanism, where all the details are in clear interaction. So, influencing these or those parts of this mechanism, you can achieve the desired result: “press the button – you get the result, and your dream will come true”. The Russian understanding of the human soul and psychology is traditionally different, sometimes paradoxical. It is not by chance that the saying “mysterious Russian soul” has entered the proverb; it is not by chance that “exotic” Russian classics, which turn over all the usual ideas – Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Chekhov – are so popular in the West. For us the truths like “wealth is good, poverty is evil” are ambiguous, “if you don’t get an adequate response from your beloved, part with it”, and so on. Heroines and heroes of our favorite novels often behave irrationally, and this is their beauty. I mentioned it in detail because I wanted to warn the reader at once: don’t be seduced that you can instantly learn to love yourself and, like the Frog Princess from the fairy tale, to throw off the old skin and become a beautiful princess. The path to changing your own personality is long and difficult. It is very important to understand how to achieve love for yourself and for what. An ideal person in the understanding of Western authors is a man who goes through life to his goal, regardless of other people and circumstances. And the obstacles and obstacles he clicks like seeds, leaving others with a feeling of light shock and dizziness (from healthy pressure and pragmatism). A vivid example of applied psychology in American – old Carnegie with his advice on how to influence people and make friends (read “crutches” that will help you move through life) and countless notes: “Smile, smile, smile …”. But we’re going the other way, and Carnegie’s not an order to us. The Russian mentality is different. We have always considered the inner, spiritual life of a person to be the most important thing, not wealth or career, although the priorities have certainly changed a lot lately. Becoming a different person in my understanding does not mean becoming a soulless mechanism that actively responds to external stimuli and quickly changes them in accordance with its goals and objectives. Becoming a different person is about becoming aware of your self, your personality, and finally understanding what you really need from this life. It’s for you, not Mom, Dad, neighbors, work colleagues. Why is it really important and why is the crisis in this sense beneficial and even necessary to learn to love yourself and to establish your life? The fact is that a crisis is often an indicator that signals either that you are living a wrong life or that you are confused in your life orientation and do not know where to go next. It’s no secret that most of us actually live like the rest of us, or act under the pressure of people whose opinions are currently the most important.
Simple and illustrative example. Don’t count women who got married because..: “All girlfriends in pairs, just me.” It’s not okay! Mom, grandma, aunt and my favorite dog Julka liked him. I won’t disappoint anyone and make Mom, Grandma, Auntie and my beloved dog Julka happy. He was my friend’s boyfriend, and I took him away from her. Wow, I’m awesome! (As a rule, in such cases, a marriage breaks up at the speed of a meteorite flying on all pairs to Earth. Bam, and fall! Oh, my God, who is that next to me?! What is this horror in the flesh?! Get out! Get out!) He walked, walked with me, and then he married the Light that I thought was my best friend. I cried, cried and decided to finally marry Kola, who had been courting me for a long time. I will show everyone that I was not left alone! Kolya, come here, I’ll make you happy… Situations are very familiar. Perhaps one of them is yours. How do you learn to love yourself? Seriously speaking, it turns out that we live some part of our lives, as if paying tribute to other people’s schemes, without thinking about whether we really want it? Maybe, if we asked ourselves this question and tried to answer it honestly, we would do otherwise and would not reap the bitter fruits of our own stupidity or, more precisely, irresponsibility after some time. So how can we make it so that no one can manipulate us and impose our thoughts and actions? For this, you must first learn to love yourself, to say “no”, defending your right to your own understanding of life and, what is also important, precious time, which each of us is not given much. Remember a few tricky rules. Before you take up a case, think hard about whether you need it, or if it’s a well camouflaged task for a friend, colleague, or just someone you know. Realizing that you do not need it by and large, politely refuse, but do not apologize and do not make excuses for yourself – in this case you will still feel latent guilt, which means that next time you will be attacked harder, and you will agree. Remember that refusal must be polite, but firm. You must demonstrate your position to your interlocutor and let him know that it is a waste of time to persuade you. Why is it important to be able to say “no” when you are being used? Because this is your first step towards clearly delineating your personality. In this way, you seem to form a space in which from now on you will act at your discretion and according to your needs. That’s why we still have to learn this most difficult of arts – love for yourself. And you can’t get away with it. The crisis is like a desperate SOS signal that our “I” sends us, begging us to pay attention to it. So where do we start? How do you learn to love yourself? With a little psychological warm-up, which you should spend every day at any convenient time. Some people will be better off doing it in the morning, before the start of the work day, and others in the evening before bed. You should stand up in front of a big mirror and look at yourself carefully. Imagine that at the place of your reflection there is a strange woman you are seeing for the first time. Here it is very important to move away from yourself, as if to get out of the boundaries of the body and watch yourself from the outside. Only in this case the exercise will be effective. Slowly slide with your gaze starting from your feet. Look at every part of your body with an admiring look, find something beautiful in it and express your admiration aloud or for yourself. For example:
I like my legs, they are slim and long (option: not very long, but beautiful shape, etc.) I look and admire them, I like that they are tireless and often help me in life. I like to highlight their shape and beauty, so I wear miniskirts (long skirts with a spicy cut, tight pants). I like my hands, the narrow, graceful fingers that resemble the noble brushes of a pianist (a soft round brush like that of a Titian woman). I like to slide my fingers on the computer keyboard, at this moment I admire them. I also like to look at my hands at breakfast when I drink coffee… How do I learn to love myself? There are many options here. The main thing is that the words come out of your soul, here a sincere, trusting intonation is important, you talk to your body and admire it. You look at him from the position of a man in love, who is led into awe and affection absolutely everything, and he is ready to tirelessly waste compliments of his beloved. Let’s move on to the face. You must find in him a certain zest, something that is peculiar only to you and no one else. You should never compare yourself to anyone else in thought or out loud. It’s not just about movie stars or the beauties of the podium, but about the people around you. If you consider your appearance from these positions, you can always find a woman who has something better than you. Marina B. has longer legs, and Tanya P. has a prettier oval face. You have to fall in love with yourself, with who you are. Of course, you can improve yourself, go to fitness clubs or take aerobics courses, but in no case you should not think that happiness will come when you reach the perfect figure. First of all, the ideal is the ideal that it is difficult to achieve. Secondly, the fashion for this or that type of figure is constantly changing. And thirdly, where the guarantee that the taste of your chosen one coincides with your chosen ideal. You have to learn to love yourself here and now. If in the fifties the standard for women and the dream for the men of the world was Marilyn Monroe with her rounded forms, then in the sixties the whole world was shocked by the English Mary Quant, who came up with a miniskirt as a symbol of female sexuality and independence. The extravagant Englishwoman brought to the podium a new model of Twiggy, reminiscent of a teenage girl with flat breasts and skinny hips. And it seems that the fashion world still suffers from Twiggymania, although recently in life and in the modeling business there is a return to a more feminine silhouette. HOW TO LOVE THE FAMILY AND SHOULD Look at yourself in the mirror more closely. Not once or twice. Awareness of your individuality and praise your face for its uniqueness. You won’t need much time. After you do this psychological exercise regularly for two or three weeks, you can move on to positive attitudes for each day. I would call this exercise “good mood” or “sunny bunny”. We kind of charge ourselves with good positive energy for the whole day. Why am I not giving this exercise right away? The fact is that setting up to create your own positive image requires so much emotional strength that first it is better to focus only on it. Only after mastering the first psychological exercise, move on to the next one. In the morning, without getting out of bed, stretch out and say to yourself: “Good morning”. Then close your eyes and imagine a summer green clearing, generously flooded with sun. Imagine it in details: high bright green grass, where strawberry bushes, dark red berries, purple and purple bells, pink clover, yellow buttercups are lurking… Feel the smell of herbs and fragrant flowers warmed by the sun. Feel how this invigorating energy flows into you (green and yellow are the most therapeutic colors). With every cell of your body you feel the warmth and light, as if you are bathing in this stream of dazzling light… Lie down like this for ten minutes, then slowly get out of this state and take care of your morning affairs. Do not think about the upcoming work, or any concerns of the coming day, or even that you need to urgently learn to love yourself. You must step over the threshold of your apartment in a state that you have just created for yourself.